ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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