From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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