Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
