why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize