I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
