You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
