woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize