checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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