I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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