every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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