I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
