I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I deserve this hangover.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
