This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jerry, you need to find god
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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