i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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