sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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