Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
