i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
