Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
