Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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