My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
