Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
