I think i sorta joined a cult last night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have aggressive nipples.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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