I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
