the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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