life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
