I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
