I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
