Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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