Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just gift wrapped bread.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
