your thong is hanging out like whoa
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
