She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
