walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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