You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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