I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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