I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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