Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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