I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
