apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
