You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
