I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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