I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
