what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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