my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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