This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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