And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
