Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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