is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
