That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
