I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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