dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
vagina is talking i cant
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
