Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
