1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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