The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
