I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
