why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
