I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
