i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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