it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
