I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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