I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
