How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
