I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
