I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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