The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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