I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
