coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
