Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
